December, 2008

I know many of you have heard or read my husband share about our upcoming church plant in Jakarta, Indonesia in 2009. Some people have inquired as to how I feel about the decision to go as a family for one year, so I wanted to share as briefly as possible the journey the Lord has taken me on.

My husband is a visionary and has a big heart for the world, so I’ve heard him share about doing ministry internationally at various times. Even as we see the Lord at work in the international community in Ann Arbor, I can’t ignore that God is doing something in our church and other churches in sharing the gospel to the nations represented here.

When my husband brought up the idea of starting up a church overseas, it seemed like the right move forward for our church…for sometime in the future with some of our leaders and a pastor. So when my husband approached me about the possibility of our family moving for one year to start up this church, it took me by surprise. In my mind, I always thought we would do something like that when our kids were off to college, because that is what we have always talked about.

So what was my initial response? After some moments of thought, I told him that it’s great if this is what God wants for our church, and if you feel that God wants you to go start up this church, the kids and I will support you from Ann Arbor. Well, I don’t need to explain that my husband didn’t take my response too well. After some discussion, we decided to pray about this decision.

As I spent time praying and reflecting, I asked myself why I was not open to the idea of our family moving for one year. After all, one year is not that long. I realized what I was struggling with was the idea of uprooting my kids from their family, school, friends and the comforts of life in America. I was struggling with surrendering to and trusting in God once again.

I thought surrendering my parents to the Lord many, many years ago was difficult and an emotional struggle, but having my own children takes it to a new level. I have to keep reminding myself not to have my fingerprints all over their lives, but to allow God’s fingerprints to be imprinted. I have seen God’s faithfulness with my parents and family thus far, and I know that a life of surrender is the path I want to keep walking on.

Once I was able to go through the struggle of surrendering, I was better able to hear what God wanted our family to do. I still didn’t have all the answers and I was still unsure about many things, but being filled with God’s peace, I was able to step out in faith once again. God was also working in the lives of my children during that time of prayer and reflection that encouraged that step of faith as well. (I will share my children’s side of the story in my next entry).

Now, our family is excited as we prepare for this church plant, along with a team from our church. Please keep us in your prayers!

I’ve been meaning to comment on a certain aspect of our relational lives that often fly under the radar for the very reason that  it is hidden and hard to catch - that is “Ambiguous Relationships.”

What is an ambiguous relationship? It is when a relationship goes from a platonic level to a nonplatonic one but not quite yet openly declared itself to be a romantic relationship.  Often the two people involved in an ambiguous relationship seem to be the last ones to even realize that they are even in this territory to begin with.

What causes an ambiguous relationship to happen? I would say that most relationships tend to become ambiguous at some level and at some point.  The real question is why do some people have ambiguous relationships and simply stay there without ever clarifying what it is or moving the relationship to some kind of definitive place.  Apart
from the fact that people who are chronic ambiguous relationship players are slightly delusional, it is also because an ambiguous relationship permits the individuals involved in enjoying the benefits of a relationship without ever having to become responsible for the other person.  In other words, the chronic ambiguous relationship person enjoys all the benefits without paying the messy price of being in an intimate relationship.  It is intimacy without integrity, pleasure without patience and connection without commitment.

As you can see, I am vehemently against chronically ambiguous relationships because it provides the perfect breeding ground for parasitical consequences to develop.  Most often, a chronically ambiguous relationship not only affects the two people involved in it, but the larger community as well.  By its very nature the ambiguous relationship excludes others from not only providing accountability and support for the relationship but also, in enjoying and integrating the new relationship into the community.  This atmosphere of exclusivity is created because even the “couple” has not been truthful that there is a relationship to begin with so it causes others to have to deal with the relationship as though it is not there at all. For lack of a better statement - how can you deal honestly with a delusion?

When I see a fellow sister in Christ begin to veer into an ambiguous relationship, I often try to wave my yellow flag as a warning saying “watch out”, “be careful!”  At the heart of this caution is not a desire to keep young women from the joys of a relationship (I believe in marriage), but it’s really because I believe that so much can be lost in the process of being caught up in the gravitational pull of an ambiguous relationship.  The greatest gift we can give to the Lord in our relationship with Him, as well as to others in community with us, is our whole hearts.  At the heart of relational purity, is not a set of dos and don’ts, it’s also not an instruction to guard our hearts behind iron bars, what it really is, is that our hearts are worth being dealt with as though it is actually worth something.  If we flippantly give away our hearts and affections, then what do we have left?

If you are beginning to realize that you are in an ambiguous relationship, my advice to you is to talk to someone about it - find a trustworthy sounding board and begin to be honest about what’s going on.  More importantly, try to seek some godly wisdom and invite the kind of guidance and covering that can provide helpful feedback to your situation.  If you are a chronic ambiguous relationship person, then I’d encourage you to come out of the closet about this and talk to someone
about this as well.  Take some time also to reflect on why it is that you are so inclined to enter into ambiguous relationships.  Invite accountability into your life as a gift and not as a terrible punishment.  Most of all, bring these things before God’s presence and ask Him to speak into this aspect of your life.