The Push & Pull of Relationships

When I left Ann Arbor two years ago and moved to IL, I was surprised by how much I had taken community for granted. All of a sudden, I was in a new and unfamiliar environment and had to start from scratch in developing new friendships. Honestly speaking, I thought that it really wasn’t such a big deal and that I was more than capable of doing everything that I felt called to do without my close friends by my side. How wrong I was! I slowly began to disintegrate from the inside out, not having anyone to feel safely connected with and lacking a place to go to just be myself. Not to say that I was lacking support altogether - I knew that people cared and I knew that there was a spiritual covering over me, but what was missing, was the deeply connected relationships that I had grown so accustomed to.

As a result of this experience, what it revealed to me is that I am created to live and be connected to biblical community. If I operate by myself and away from others, I lose my fuel, foundation and fortitude to do what I am called to do. It’s the equivalent of running out into battle and you are fiercely wielding your sword, only to discover that you’re all alone. No one’s got your back.

The hardest step for me to take, was to actually ask someone to be my friend. I felt like I was in middle school all over again and asking someone to whether or not they would like to “be friends” seemed so elementary to me. Thankfully, God made the process really smooth for me and He sent some great sisters my way to support me, pray for me and walk with me.

There is a push and pull that we experience in our need for relationships. We are pulled towards one another because we are created for community and we need each other, but at the same time we are repulsed by community because it means letting someone know that you actually are in need and that you actually don’t have everything together. I see this in my life and frequently in the lives of many other women. The push away from community usually comes out in our lives because community is not safe.

My prayer is that as I learn to navigate these pushes and pulls within my relationships, I will first do it out of an understanding that there is no such thing as a perfect friendship or relationship and that I will approach my relationships as a response to how God has first loved and accepted me.