April, 2008

Today was a miserable day. It was rainy, cold and overcast. I found my mood going from good, to ok, and by the end of the day, it was just down right blue. I guess you could call me a fair weather person. It got me thinking however, of how circumstantial I can be when it comes to how I feel and how I inevitably will make decisions for my life. When the “spiritual” weather is not so great, I find myself doubting even the most basic elements of my life. I doubt whether or not God loves me, I doubt my calling, and most of all, I find myself doubting God’s goodness.

I’ve also discovered the different forms of doubt. There’s the “panic-button” doubt when all of a sudden, you just start thinking that the world is crumbling around you. There’s the long-term doubt, where you’re waiting and waiting and waiting for the answer or the provision or some sign to unfold in your life. Then there’s the deep-rooted doubt where you’ve just never really believed in some aspect of the Gospel. This is the kind of doubt that is tied to a preexisting faulty belief system and belief in God means having to let go of this deep-rooted belief about God, yourself and the world.

If you doubt, you are human. However, be advised that there are God-given provisions to help us to confront the doubts we have in our lives.  Scripture tells us that God cannot lie, therefore when He promises us something, it is the truth. We can at least let this be the foothold that we can find our first footing in before we take a step out of the slimy pit of doubt. Also, doubt is often accompanied by Jesus calling us out to go deeper in our faiths. He may be calling you to step off
the boat, He may be calling you to let down your nets in an unfamiliar part of the ocean, but in all these things, it comes down to trusting in the One who’s voice it is you are trying to listen to.

“When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch. Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.” Luke 5:4-6 NIV

I’m sure many of us, if not all, have heard of Oprah Winfrey and the impact she is making around the world. Not only do millions of viewers watch her show, but she has other mediums of influencing people with her thoughts and values. I sometimes think about the impact she can make for the Kingdom of God if she was a Christ-follower. But, even if we are not to the level of Oprah, I was reminded of how we can still make an impact for the Kingdom of God from a recent Oprah Show.

A few weeks ago on the show, two families came on to share their stories about the mistaken identity case which occurred a couple of years ago. The daughters of the two families, along with other students and staff from their university in Indiana, were involved in a tragic car crash. Whitney Cerak, one of the daughters, initially believed to have been one of five people killed in the crash, actually survived. Laura Van Ryn, the daughter of the other family on the show, was thought to have survived the crash, but was actually dead. The Cerak family had believed their daughter was dead, while the Van Ryn family believed their daughter was fighting for her life in the hospital. After about five weeks in the hospital, the Van Ryn’s came to the realization that the girl in the hospital was not their daughter.

Can you imagine what might have been going on in the hearts and minds of both family members?

On the show, rather than sharing about any anger, bitterness or frustration with all that they went through with the mix-up, it was so encouraging to hear the families share about how their faith in Jesus Christ got them through everything. Imagine the millions of people watching and hearing, along with Oprah Winfrey, about Jesus Christ and the impact He had made in the lives of these families!

It was definitely a challenge to me to be a verbal and visible witness of Jesus Christ to those around me, because you never know who will be watching and listening in.

I knew he was coming late Tuesday night, as I was battling a sore throat and headache. The corner of my mouth felt irritated and was turning pink. I searched my apartment for Neosporin and applied 3 coats…but all to no avail. The next morning I woke up and there he was… my new friend, Mr. Cold Sore.

It’s funny what happens to us when ‘friends’ make their homes on our faces, whether they come in the form of zits, pimples, coldsores, or even bedsheet lines from an intensive nap-fest. We avoid eye contact, change the way our hair is parted so that we create the magical ‘concealing curtain,’ plop on a hat, or put on 3 extra coats of makeup. Or, we might even try to dress up the rest of ourselves so that all attention is away from our face and fixed on the stunning leopard-skin stiletos.

But what really bothered me was the very fact that the coldsore bothered me. (Does that make sense?) Here I am, telling other people not to worry about their appearance because ‘it’s the inner beauty that matters, and as long as we know our identity in God, we can be completely secure, yadda yadda yadda.’ But when my friend comes and makes his loud appearance, I want to dim the lights in the room and play ‘hide-and-don’t-seek.’ I couldn’t help but think, why am I so insecure about my appearance and people’s perception of me?

It’s sobering moments like this that help me see that I haven’t really come as far as I’d like. Every day, I’m constantly susceptible to the same old insecurities that I’ve overcome in the past, and every day I have to claim God’s truth and stand with full confidence in the spiritual identity and physical body He has given me. So the next time you see me with a friend-infested face, please make sure I’m not sporting a new hairstyle and leopard-skin stiletos.